Pretend Your Way to Success! (Vid Trans)

11th October 2020

Do you remember when you were a lot younger – you’re still

young but you were a lot younger – you would be the doctor,

the store keeper, the bad girl, the good girl, whatever, when

we played pretend with our friends? You are still able to do

that (!). If you have a hard time putting yourself in the shoes

of the successful ladypreneur that you *know* you could be,

[and] you just can’t quite get there in your mind, do this: go

back to when you were itty bitty bitty, and play pretend, just

for five seconds – to begin with, i.e., ‘How would she [do x, y

or z]?’ I find myself slumping in my car so I made myself sit up

straight and asked myself, ‘If I were the uber-successful

empress (over my empire I’m working on … for twenty years),

how would I sit in my car, knowing how proud I am of my

accomplishments and how many more dreams I have? How

would I sit, how would I stand? We’ve talked a little bit about

this in the videos [in which] I say, “… as tall as you can

possibly be…” (from back in the day). We’ve talked about this

before so let’s put a new spin on it: If you were that woman

[we all know it’s ‘when’ but when we have doubting moments..],

how would you sit? How would you walk? How would you […]?

Fake it ’til you make it! Ok, l’bye.

See the video:

Rock Your Home-bound Blizzard Conditions!

14 February 2021

Staying in: we had plenty of practice last year, right?! If your area is experiencing extreme weather, decide to make the most of this time!

Example (my situation): 

Right now, I’m between clients. As last week passed and I heard more and more about the approaching week of hazardous outside conditions, I knew I’d be staying in. I saw that I have a whole ‘free’ 5 days! I thought about how I can make a difference in my and others’ lives. I made an iron-clad deal with myself to do as much as I can – especially stuff that I felt I couldn’t do before, due to enmeshing myself so intensely in client work and, life challenges (“Dichotomy, line 1… “).

Are you thinking, “Hil, I don’t have any content! I still have to work every day. What can I do??”

Plenty! Even if you’re working at home because office is closed for weather, you now have two or more extra hours per day, like you did during quarantine: not as much ‘getting ready’, no need to stop for gas, no commute.

(I’ve mentioned elsewhere: when I put my earpods in and click on my music apps or bookmarks *first*, I’m able to jump right over the ‘not in the mood’ and ‘what difference will my content make anyway?!’ voices [which of course, are just mechanisms that ego uses to keep me ‘safe’ from success / failure…] )

With the extra time you’ll have, you can:

– do 22 minutes of morning pages (from “The Artists’ Way”; you write as fast as you can for three pages, first thing in the morning [or right before you start working on your own projects] to clear your head, remove writer’s block, etc.)

– move for twelve minutes – stretches, dancing, strolling around the house – which takes you further out of the logical, argumentative part of your brain

– spend a couple hours doing bulk cooking in the middle of the week instead of waiting ’til Sunday

– take 5 minutes to set up that social media account you’ve been thinking about

– use half an hour to brainstorm ideas for Tweets, YouTube videos, TikToks, Facebook posts

If you have existing content, you can do some of these that I’m going to do: 

– transcribe videos

– post the transcriptions under the videos and on my website (for people who’d rather read; added bonus: long descriptions under your YouTube videos boost your SEO!)

– add titles / descriptions to private videos and make them public or, put unlisted links in email campaign

– re-purpose parts of YouTube videos for TikToks

– backup website pages to Google Drive

– make a list of Tweets and a schedule

– make a list of TikToks and a schedule

– put more calls-to-action in my vids, TikToks and Tweets:

— ‘like, subscribe, comment’

— ‘sign up for my free eBook’

— ‘click here for coaching’

– ramp up my squeeze page

– post everything in my training group for other members to share, like, etc. 

*** When you take breaks: ***

– get vicarious with me in Fair Park and Deep Ellum in my TikTok series, Take A Break! @ladybosslifecoach

– see V-Day throwback, “State of the Heart”

Ok, Cuties and Beauties! Love you! 

— like / subscribe (plus, it’ll activate algorithm so more women will see this!)

— let me know in the comments what you’re rockin’ on during the stay-in!

— join me for tips and funnies!

TikTok @ladybosslifecoach

#snowstorm #icyroads #blizzard #winterstormwarning #hazardousroadconditions #workathome #ladyboss #wompreneur #smallbusiness #valentinesday

© 2021 All Rights Reserved LadyBossLifeCoach Hil 


Are Your Dreams Crazy?! (Vid 39 Trnscr)

No, they’re Crazy Amazing (Cra-MAZING! 😉 )!!

Are you crazy?! I think I am sometimes, when I think of stuff that I wanna do and places I wanna go… I think, ‘Omg. I’m crazy…’. Guess what? People more accomplished than us — so far — were called insane, crazy, stupid, foolish… Leonardo DaVinci, the Wright Brothers… So if amazing is what ‘crazy’ is — those people turned out to be amazing — then bring it on! Embrace your ‘crazy’! Of course, I want us all to eliminate this from our definitions of ourselves and our vocabularies, but until that moment, bring it. Be one with who you are. If other people wanna call you crazy, it’s generally because they are too scared, so far (we are not judging them), to embrace inner dreams or small / big goals. Love yourself. If other people label you — eighteenth of all, let’s not discuss our dreams with naysayers. Yes, let’s talk them over with friends that love us and are realistic, i.e., ‘Wow, Hil, that’s great and, have you considered that you may run into [blah blah blah] and do you have issues with that?’ very gently and lovingly. Let’s do that but not discuss what’s in our hearts with — for lack of a better word — the negative people who are gonna poo-poo your idea and criticize you for that. Let’s discuss [our dreams] with the people who are movin’ and shakin’, followin’ their hearts against all odds. Ok? Be crazy with me! Love you, L’bye.

Just Add Permission!

Much of the time, all we need
is permission from ourselves.

For example, today, I want to
be completely silent. I am
horrifically burned out on
talking and listening; I have
been afraid for the last
several days to tell a person –
with whom I spend a ton of
time – that I want to be
in my own head. By today,
I was beyond where I’d be
had I just expressed my truth
when I first felt it. I was
afraid because this person
is helping me; I felt guilty
about walking away and
obligated to sit there…

Today, I listened very care-
fully to myself and made up
my mind to honor how I feel.
I planned out what I will
say when I see that person,
whom has a lot to say. I gave
myself 100% permission to be
in my own world. (Have you seen
that t-shirt? “I’m in my own
world, but it’s okay: they know
me here.”) I decided that if the
person stops helping me, that
I will figure out something
else. After making the de-
cision, I felt GREAT! …
Flash forward one hour: now
that I allowed myself the
space to be absolutely
authentic, I actually may
desire to talk to that
person for a few minutes.

Because I allowed myself to
go all the way to the left,
I was able to come back to
the middle, feel appreciation
and look forward to seeing
and listening to my friend
when the time comes.

Give yourself per-MISSION!
Per… mission, as in, as
per; as in, for each mission!

As per this life mission, give
your permission to

* ‘laze’, stay home from work
* eat a gallon of ice cream
* tell someone off
* pack up and move
* do something you’ve never
done before.

Even if you don’t physically
do any of the things you’re
deciding you’re *allowed* to
and can do if you wish, you
will experience the feeling
of doing them and in many
cases – at least for myself –
it is enough!

So, I’m giving you permission
to give your beautiful self

womanSpeakUpNow: Start Small!

One way I spoke up that wasn’t too scary, was by
writing Google reviews. (My younger years taught me
that telling the truth meant getting in trouble so,
if I have concerns, I still take steps to feel
safe by using a different Gmail address). Plus:
you can write them right on your phone!

You’ll notice that at no time did I use name-calling.
I strove to be factual and point out what is not
working; please do not use G reviews to slam,
slander, etc.

If all you can do at first is publish ‘nice’ stuff,
do it! Just get going and practice, practice,
practice. The goal is to eventually get to the point at
which you can set boundaries in person, without guilt
nor as much anxiety; you will decide to no longer
suffer silently!

(Side note: Have I mentioned before that, soon
after peri-menopause begins, you’ll have all
the hormones you need to do this? The first time
it happens, words will come flying out of your mouth
before you grab and put them back in. Your heart
will pound for 30 solid minutes because you can’t
believe you just said what you said! The second time,
you won’t be as shocked by yourself and your
sweet heart will only do the bass drum dance for
10 minutes…Terrifying but glorious! Tell me in the
comments about your first time!)

“No thanks. I am not going to help you anymore.”

“I think the green one matches better.”

“That doesn’t work for me. What can we figure
out that will work for both of us?”

“Would it be possible for you to use a different
tone of voice? No? Then I’ll see you when you
can.” [Get up and leave! Don’t put up with that!]

“No, we’re not going to the park.” (It’s a child’s
job to push a boundary, over and over and over.
Remain calm and repeat when necessary, like a robot.
[Remember from childhood: “This is a recording”?]
Make a game out of it, to yourself, and count
each repetition before you say it again. ‘6.’ “You
may play outside as soon as you put up the Legos.”
… ‘7.’ “You may….”)

In an upcoming video / transcript, I give an exmaple
about the in-person version: I stood up / spoke up
for a convenience store cashier when her boss
reprimanded her loudly in front of customers
(later, to myself, I mused that sometimes it
feels easier to speak up for someone else than
for ourselves…).

Behold, six reviews:

Oklahoma Library Branch

“Great space”, from an earlier review is right:
this is a modern, clean, beautiful facility
(the ladies’ room is a stunning fusion of
homey and high-tech).

There are zillions of computers to use.

Super comfy chairs in several sitting areas.
Here’s my view today:

I almost had a meltdown about the sculpture
in front; Kirsten at the Adults Info desk
(it’s obvious that she loves her job) was
happy to email me articles about it…
In summer, the focus seems largely upon kids
and reading – which is of course, fantastic –
yet here, they’re having a drawing for a
gift basket – with some reeeeeally cool stuff! –
for every individual that reads, listens, etc.,
to achieve a total of 1000 points!

Libraries are some of my favorite places;
this particular House-Of-Wayyyy-More-Than-Books
is an excellent one!

California Motel

EVER: only $73 for one person! It’s worth
the 2-hour drive north (unless you want
to spend $150 or more in S.F. and listen
to traffic all night…).

Updated, modern, well-designed, CLEAN,
Dish TV, nice scent. Aesthetically pleasing
decor with brick red blackout curtains,
deep orange accent wall and Jetsons’
sunshine yellow bath cabinet give visual pep.

Every area has its own lighting (including
a mini, padded-booth seating section that
serves as a dining area, desk or setting
for board game play). Shelving and plugs

Laminate floors eased my mind; such cuts
way down on places that tiny creatures can
hide and wait (I took the bed apart before
I carried anything in – spotless!).

The A/C worked very well and blocked out
97% of the noise plus, my fellow lodgers
were thoughtful and quiet. I DID hear the
guest above me (it’s an old building,
people!) yet only for a few minutes.

My room featured a microwave and small
fridge; absence of coffee pot and blow dryer
help keep prices down, yet, I was told by
the VERY NICE front desk lady Bria to just
ask if you’d like either.

As if the preceding weren’t enough: it’s a
75-second stroll to convenience store or
Taco Bell and 2-minute walk to Starbucks!

INCREDIBLE VALUE!!! Highly, highly recommend!

Dallas restaurant:

Amazing! Go here! (tucked away behind
Wgreens and Papa John’s)

The people are so welcoming.

At least 16 choices and 2 desserts. 4-6
condiments AND chai masala tea are included!

The noontime samosas are tiny and delicious;
two items I’d never seen before: spinach
chicken and onion pakoras (omg!).

Scrumptious and original variation of
raita (yogurt sauce). Chicken tikki masala
melts in your mouth (no cheap chicken here!).

The pappad (crispy wafer bread) was delicate,
delectable, best I’ve ever tasted. The
freshly-made naan was slightly charred (mmmmmm).

Enjoying these culinary gems in my heated
car on a chilly day while listening to
FunAsia 104.9 = SCORE!

Book 1: When you’re SERIOUSLY ready to
ROCK YOUR LIFE! (easier than you think!)

I ‘downloaded [it] for later’ years ago and
am finally reading it today… you wrote it
so I could GET it (!): stories, examples,
diagrams! GOSH, what a GREAT WAY to TEACH these

Omg… just finished, tears streaming down my
face… I have read self-help book after book,
gone to therapy, listened to teleseminar after
webinar, talked at lennnnngth with friend after
friend, journaled for decades (and I’m thankful
for every bit of it(!), yet NOTHING, nothing
helped to unlock me – and aid my understanding
of why I still haven’t accomplished my hundreds
of dreams – like this miraculous document you

My deepest, most heartfelt gratitude to the author
for publishing it!!!


OMG! I’ve only read half the book and I’m
already ROCKIN’! Jim explains things in such
straight-forward language, as if you’re his
good friend; I woke RIGHT UP and did what he
does! It’s SO EASY and no agony (which has
never happened in my entire “I’m-gonna-write-
LIFE!). $2.99? It’s worth 1000s of times that
price. Buy it and get on your way to becoming
the author you are!!!!

Book 3: A Riveting Story of Hope

I couldn’t stop reading! Well-written, this
detailed account (graphic in places) is
horrifying but necessary to underscore the
miracle of her healing. It definitely brought
up some of my own issues… If you’ve experienced
trauma, I highly recommend this book. If you
haven’t experienced trauma, I also recommend it,
to get an understanding of what some people
have been through. I heartily applaud Jennifer’s
courage in telling her story.

© LadyBossLifeCoach Hil 2019

“Good Girls” Make Bad Videos: Stop Being ‘Nice’ On Camera!

“But don’t I want people to like me?!”
you’re wondering.

YES, in the context of the know/like/trust

NO, in the sense of kiss-up, contrived,
patronizing, phoney.

I want my tribe to relate, respect and see
me as an expert; not to like a fake version
of me (also, if you start out as a ‘persona’,
it gets harder and harder to go back to the
genuine you!).

Your clients and potential clients are not
seeking a FRIEND; they are seeking a
go-to person whom they can trust to solve
their problems or challenges.

They want the straight truth, as quickly
as they can get it from you.

They want their issue solved as soon as
possible; mostly, they aren’t looking to
feel warm and fuzzy until after the
issue is handled!

These are busy people with booked-up schedules.

Think about it, Lady Boss: you have chosen the
same; you’re watching (or reading) me because
you want to learn to speak confidently in your
business, marketing and life. I’m sure you
enjoy my occasional humor yet, your focus is
how to Speak Up Now and Rock Your Online Videos!
This desire to improve and/or change something
is the same one *your* people have…

Be someone they respect and to whom they can

Be someone from whom they can get help.

Let them see who you *really* are from the
very first frame of your first video.

Earn their trust by being consistent.

If they grow to like you, great. If not, rest
assured that they aren’t your ideal client.

Love you, Shugers! – LBLC Hil

© LadyBossLifeCoach Hil 2019

wSUN: Speak Up to Yourself!

(To see this, click here:

So I’m cruisin’ along in traffic and I realized that womanSpeakUpNow is not only about speaking up to others (like i did yesterday to the C-store cashier’s boss: “[When you correct her, you need to do it in private.]”), it’s also about speaking up to yourself. I’m finding out that i don’t always have to tell someone off [wSUN is *not* about telling people off (!); it’s saying what’s really real for you and having the courage – even though the person might not like you – to say what IS, politely (and maybe passionately), without name-calling or blaming]. I don’t always have to go, “[gritch, gritch, gritch]” but if I give myself permission and acknowledge to myself what I’m feeling – and what I could say but I don’t have to – a lotta times, that’s enough.

wSUN includes getting really real with yourself about others and getting really real with yourself about yourself. My example: what’s really real for me right now is that I want to share so much that I’ve learned. I want [to help] every woman that I can find to have the courage to speak up and tell her truth. Do you or she wanna start a business? Do you wanna change careers? What is it that’s really real for you? Do you wanna take an art class? Do you wanna go play soccer for an adult women’s soccer team? What’s really real for you?

Speak up now, honey. If you’re thinking, “But, Hil, I can’t say that [to someone]”, okay fine. You may not be able to say that to whomever – her, him, them – but you CAN say it to yourself, to start with… Alright, love you. Have a GREAT DAY! Bye.

#womanSpeakUpNow #wSUN

11. Getting What You Want! Video Transcript

See the video here:

Getting What You Want!
When it comes to giving your order,
Mickey D’s and the Universe are the same!
Here’s how to get what you want!

More LadyBossLifeCoach videos,
madcap adventures and hot flashes:
subscribe or go to
Twitter: @LadyBossLifeCch

When we tell the Universe, “This is my dream. This is my vision. THIS is what I want!” (that we wanna be an artist, a Lady Boss, whatever…); when we decide to do something great and meaningful, the voices start up:

“I’m nobody… just little Tammy from Muskogee.”
“That will never work.”
“If I take all the steps and do all that work, and then it doesn’t work… Dude! That will be such a waste of my time.”
“People are gonna laugh and say I am crazy.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I don’t know enough.”
“Who do yew thank yew are, shuger?”
“Yeah, it’s what I wanna do but I can never make money doin’ it…”

But! When we go to McDonald’s and put in our order for a Big Mac –“we’ve all done it, shuger, so don’t act like ya haven’t…” – we do not say,
“What if they run outta buns? What if they forget the pickles? They’re not gonna make my sandwich; they’ll put too much special sauce on… What am I doing here? Who am I to be having a Big Mac?!”

We do not say any of that. We tell the cashier what we want and we expect the people to give it to us exactly how we ordered it. If we stop the employees and say, “Wait! Wait… no, hold on: I don’t want the Big Mac. I want the Fish Filet. Ok, no tartar sau- ok, maybe a little tartar sauce- and I want the French fries…well…do I want the Fish Filet?”

If we change our minds and go back and forth, they can’t give us what we ask for.

Guess what? The Universe is exactly the same: if we put our order in and get quiet, it comes. All we have to do is be hands off. It comes, including opportunities to clear whatever stands between you and what you said you wanted. Sometimes [this] includes deep feelings of anger and sorrow. Embrace [them], they’ll dissolve in five minutes and you’ll go to the next level of clearing (but that’s another video…).
The minute you say, “This is who I choose to be; this is what I want,” the Universe goes to work to make it happen! If you’re led to take steps and you won’t do it; if we say, “Well, yeah… no…”, you’re saying, “No, I really don’t want it, I just said I did but I really don’t…”, you’re not meeting God halfway. God/the Universe does not judge. He/it just says, “Okay. As you wish.”

So what can you do? Decide, one hundred percent, even if it feels really scary to do it. If you have the dream or idea, there’s a reason. Decide, 100%, even if it seems impossible. Then, feel the feeling of the thing already having happened, i.e., friends are inviting you to parties, how proud you feel that it’s done. Feel feel feel feel, and hold that [feeling] as long as you can. During the day, stop and just feeeel. Feel that feeling even when the voices are [naysaying], like we already saw today. Feel the feeling of that two-week vacation in Italy that you’ve earned, you got ‘er done, everything’s coming together now and you have the money to go to Italy.

Feel it and forget it. Take the steps you’re led to take. Go ahead and argue and fuss and do it anyway. Trust the Universe to know what it’s doing, to see the bigger picture, to know things you have no way of knowing. Let go, let God, take the steps you’re led to take and know that your order is being prepared right now.

Please like it if you like it. Please share it if you got anything out of it and I’ll see you next time.

I’ve Gone to the Dogs!!!

11:32 am, 2 Dec 17

I have never been a dog person, not for one minute. I do not like their smell,

their hair all over everything, their muddy paws that manage to land on me

when I’m wearing my nicest clothes. It also freaks me out that they stroll

through their poop outside, then track it inside onto the floor, the couch,

the bed.

Also, I have been afraid of canines since age nine. I used to visit a little girl’s

(Lucy) house; each time, her parents held the dog while I scurried into Lucy’s

room. Finally, they decided I should meet the 4-legged residents and put an

end to the anxiety. Crouched, heart pounding, I was petting him when he became

startled for no apparent reason and bit me through my upper lip … After that,

I gave most dogs a wide berth.

I moved into my current apartment in March 2017, next to a handsome guy

with a beautiful Golden Retriever / Black Lab mix named Duke. Time after

time, Duke, tail flailing with joy, bounded down the walkway to greet me as

if I were the most amazing human on Earth. He seemed the most affectionate

when I’d had a hard day. Who can resist that? Not me!











In October, I went to help some friends remodel. They live east of town with

their pet, Buddy the Beagle











and frequent visitor, Ripley the Retriever.


















Buddy – abandoned as a pup – was rescued by my friend; it took her over a month to

get him into a cage (via a food trail) and adopt him. It’s no wonder that he’s a

sneaky (ate the last half of my chicken fried steak when I walked away for 3

minutes!), sometimes morose animal. My friend says that beagles feel superior

to people because we can’t hear nor smell like they can. Several weeks after

meeting Buddy, he finally warmed up to me.

Ripley is even more friendly than Duke! She is the sweetest animal I’ve ever,

ever met and her tail is in constant motion.

Then there’s Chikis (Cheek-eez),









the downstairs neighbors’ pug. Tiny little thing but barks at you as if she’s as

big as a horse. Skittish, but as I came and went, she eventually let me fawn

over her. Never did ask why her tongue always sticks out. Sealing the deal

with this precious thing was housemate baby Adam.











I had my window open one day and heard a small yap. Peeked out the door and

there was Chikis, who had traversed 22 stairs to come see me! I texted her

owner; Chikis had been accidently left outside. We live in a busy area so I took

it upon myself to dogsit her until someone came home…(handled the shedding

hair issue by holding her in a towel on my lap). It was a wonderful day…

The family moved away shortly thereafter; I miss all of them, especially Chikis.

Here’s what I have learned since Duke started converting me:

  • Watch the tail! If it’s wagging, you’re safe and the dog is happy.
  • Always walk in the door first, THEN let the dog come in, to establish yourself

as the pack leader.

  • A dog will let you know when s/he needs to go outside to do business.

The four creatures with whom I spent time are so full of love that my issues with

scent and hair faded away. If you’re not a dog person, I understand yet I hope

that at some point in your life, you take a little time to experience their wonderful

and devoted companionship (wear casual threads!). A canine can be a

woman’s best friend. – Hil

© 2017 LadyBossLifeCoach Hil

The Top 3 REAL Reasons You’re Not Using The World’s #1 Marketing Tool to Step Up Your Game and Reach Your Tribe

Every single study shows that video – especially
YouTube – is the #1 conversion and marketing tool;
as of 2012, 4 BILLION VIDEOS are being watched

How many women are you not helping? How much
money are you leaving on the table by not taking
advantage of the huge power of video, especially
when there are so many free ways to use it?

Right now, you’re thinking:

“But Hil, I can’t. I look and sound stupid on
camera. I don’t want to humiliate myself in front
of the whole world. I don’t want people to laugh
at me!”

“I don’t have thousands of dollars for all that

“Where would I start? What would I say?
It’s overwhelming.”

“I’m doing just fine with my business.
I make enough to cover bills. Really, I’m fine.
Jane X doesn’t have any videos so I don’t
need any either.”

I understand. I have said many of those things
to myself in other areas…

Deep down, however, you have a niggling feeling
that you could take your business to the next level
– and get your message to thousands more women –
if you made and posted videos.

Here are the three REAL reasons – all of which
aren’t your ‘fault’ – that you haven’t done video
(yet 😉 ).

1. “Be Quiet!”

From the time we’re little girls, we’re taught to be
passive; be a lady; be polite; don’t make waves;
don’t speak up; don’t ruffle feathers; let the man
handle it; keep your head down; we’re the weaker
sex; don’t bruise any male egos; a woman’s place
is in the kitchen. If you’re younger than 40, you may
have not heard these as directly as your Mom did,
but I promise, through her words and actions, she
inadvertently passed many of them down to you
(not blaming our moms, they did the best they could).

Some of our sisters have totally overcome these ingrained
messages (Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow,
for example); some have outright rebelled (Lady Gaga).
Even women who have busted through some of the
junk that holds us back, struggle with unworthiness
and are afraid to tell the truth… When women spoke up
recently about harassment at a huge rideshare
company, many people discredited the womens’
stories and minimized the trauma that these women
had experienced. The message that the rest of us
got was, “Don’t bother to come forward. You’ll be
ridiculed; you’ll sabotage your chances of ever
working in your industry again; you’ll be looked at
as a snitch; you shoulda taken one for the team!”
(I’m getting chills writing it…)

So, it’s not your ‘fault’ that you grew up in a culture
that bombarded you with these false constructs,
day in and day out. BUT, as an adult woman, it is
completely in your power to choose to be aware
that these beliefs are undercurrents that run right
under your daily, surface thoughts, and choose
to examine and eliminate them.

Let’s look at the first objection again:

“…I can’t do it. I look and sound stupid
on camera. I don’t want to humiliate myself
in front of the whole world. I don’t want people
to laugh at me!”

It’s not that you’re afraid of others pointing
fingers, snickering, criticizing. It’s that you’ve
been taught to criticize yourself. In order to
avoid that, you stop yourself from ever doing
anything ‘out there’, different, potentially
controversial. ‘I wouldn’t want to embarrass
my family,” is a good way to justify lack
of action; I’ve used that one myself.

If you’re over 40, you remember the bigmouth
in the class that got sent to the principal’s
office. If you’re younger, you may have noticed
that the class bigmouth was suddenly quiet one
quiet one day and no longer disruptive (Ritalin).

We tell ourselves we look and sound stupid;
the REAL reason is, we don’t want to risk
failure (and we’re mostly raised not to try!
One study discovered that boys and men are
encouraged to take risks while females are
discouraged!). Nice girls don’t ‘put themselves
on display’; that’s from our grandmas
and great-grandmas.

2. “Cook and Clean!”

The number one thing our parents want /
wanted for us was to ‘get a good man’. The
number one fairy tale during our childhoods
depicted a sleeping beauty rescued by a Prince
after years and years of ‘captivity’.
The story gave him all the power to save
her from the evil, spell-casting queen and
cast her as a passive, disempowered
victim. Remember how many times your Mom
read you that story? How many times
you played dress up and waited for your
handsome prince or knight on a steed?
I have been disappointed over and over

in my grown-up life that no man ever
lived up to that fable…

To help ensure that we ‘get a good man’,
we’re strongly encouraged to excel in
homemaking arts: cooking, cleaning, sewing.
(Yes, I know that the newer generations
aren’t affected as heavily, yet all these are
prevalent in our collective, societal psyche.)
We weren’t encouraged to succeed in math,
engineering, etc. Thus, the thought of
recording your image and your sound can be
very intimidating.

3. “Who Do You Think You Are?” / “Who ME?!”

“What makes YOU an expert?!” I’m willing to
bet that while you heard this as a child from
a parent, teacher or relative, that you’ve said
it to yourself a gazillion times more. “Who am
I? What do I know?”

We’re taught to be quiet, focus on running the
house and be attractive so we’ll “find a good,
strong man to protect and provide for us”, so,
the LAST THING most of us could imagine
ourselves to be is a LEADER!

When we see other women, Condoleeza,
Hillary, famous singers / actresses, etc.,
they’re somehow in another league, special,
the chosen few, etc. We can’t possibly fathom
ourselves as being one of that group.

you’re IN THAT GROUP! How do I know?
Something about the title, something in your
heart or gut, made you curious, made you want
to read this article. If you didn’t have the
leadership spark, you wouldn’t have been
compelled to click on it. That’s how I know.

What can you do to reverse the above?

1. Notice your underlying self-talk. When you
feel shame, blame, guilt, etc., go into it. Your
feelings are trying to tell you something. Put
yourself in a private place, turn the phone off.
Listen to the undercurrent; it’s kinda like the
thing that runs across the bottom of the TV
on CNN. In order to focus on what the news
person is saying, we have to ignore the
words travelling underneath. In order to focus
on our day-to-day activities – work, family –
we have to block out the words travelling
underneath. “I’m no one. No one wants to
hear anything I have to say.” Just notice
and listen to the words.

When you’re ready to go deeper: feel.
Get quiet and go into the feeling.

Two weeks ago, I went from great to despondent
in a matter of hours (very rare for me). On my way
‘down’, I remembered that it was another one
of ‘those’ times – the times when I go into
the tunnel and come out the other side;
having that thought before I plunged gave
me more courage to completely immerse
myself in it… I changed environments (went
on a short drive) to break up the energy /
give myself a different visual — please notice
I did NOT say, to change my feelings!!
Soon after I got behind the wheel, I saw:

Fourteen MOUNTAIN RANGES of shame that ran
my life; that controlled most everything
I said and did; that held me back from being
my whole self, from expressing all that is
inside me.

2. Note to self. Now and then, you think,
“Oh, I want to tell women about [money,
relationships, real estate, fitness].” If you’re
like a trillion other women, including me,
you start to explore that thought then are
immediately shut down by, “But I can’t.
Too stupid, expensive, impossible, out of
my comfort zone, don’t have permission
to do something like that.” The next time
you have an, “Oh, I want to tell…”, right
before the shut-down voices begin, do
a quick note to self: “I WANT TO TELL!
If I ever figure out how, I want to tell my
women how to [whatever],” then forget
about it and smile at the voices that
starting piping up, as if they are tiny
children (and they are!) that can’t help
it. Feel compassion for them; they were
born out of the need for self-preservation
and were there to try to protect you from
emotional harm.

3. Look for other women that have overcome
what has until now stopped you. To yourself
say, “If SHE can do it, after what she’s
been through and with no budget, maybe
I CAN TOO!” (The nay-saying voices will
pipe up. Just smile. “Awww, sugars,
I hear you.”)

4. Surrender. You have the thoughts you
have (“I want to tell… If only they knew
what I know… I want to teach about…”) for a
REASON! Admit this to yourself. God /
the Universe didn’t them in your brain
by accident nor as a cosmic joke. 😉

If you do the above – be gentle and
patient with yourself – you will notice
subtle (and sometimes big!) changes
in your life. When you’re ready to move
closer toward your online video debut,
watch: 3 Keys To Being On Camera
…For more confidence, happiness, time,
energy: check out the free videos I have
for you on YouTube. Click here or type

LadyBossLifeCoach in the YouTube
browser. Watch me be a so-bad-it’s-cute rapper!
Watch me dress up as a different me!

Just watch! Lol.

Love you sugar! LBLC Hil

© LadyBossLifeCoach Hil 2017