Every single study shows that video – especially
YouTube – is the #1 conversion and marketing tool;
as of 2012, 4 BILLION VIDEOS are being watched
EVERY SINGLE DAY!
How many women are you not helping? How much
money are you leaving on the table by not taking
advantage of the huge power of video, especially
when there are so many free ways to use it?
Right now, you’re thinking:
“But Hil, I can’t. I look and sound stupid on
camera. I don’t want to humiliate myself in front
of the whole world. I don’t want people to laugh
“I don’t have thousands of dollars for all that
“Where would I start? What would I say?
“I’m doing just fine with my business.
I make enough to cover bills. Really, I’m fine.
Jane X doesn’t have any videos so I don’t
need any either.”
I understand. I have said many of those things
to myself in other areas…
Deep down, however, you have a niggling feeling
that you could take your business to the next level
– and get your message to thousands more women –
if you made and posted videos.
Here are the three REAL reasons – all of which
aren’t your ‘fault’ – that you haven’t done video
(yet 😉 ).
1. “Be Quiet!”
From the time we’re little girls, we’re taught to be
passive; be a lady; be polite; don’t make waves;
don’t speak up; don’t ruffle feathers; let the man
handle it; keep your head down; we’re the weaker
sex; don’t bruise any male egos; a woman’s place
is in the kitchen. If you’re younger than 40, you may
have not heard these as directly as your Mom did,
but I promise, through her words and actions, she
inadvertently passed many of them down to you
(not blaming our moms, they did the best they could).
Some of our sisters have totally overcome these ingrained
messages (Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow,
for example); some have outright rebelled (Lady Gaga).
Even women who have busted through some of the
junk that holds us back, struggle with unworthiness
and are afraid to tell the truth… When women spoke up
recently about harassment at a huge rideshare
company, many people discredited the womens’
stories and minimized the trauma that these women
had experienced. The message that the rest of us
got was, “Don’t bother to come forward. You’ll be
ridiculed; you’ll sabotage your chances of ever
working in your industry again; you’ll be looked at
as a snitch; you shoulda taken one for the team!”
(I’m getting chills writing it…)
So, it’s not your ‘fault’ that you grew up in a culture
that bombarded you with these false constructs,
day in and day out. BUT, as an adult woman, it is
completely in your power to choose to be aware
that these beliefs are undercurrents that run right
under your daily, surface thoughts, and choose
to examine and eliminate them.
Let’s look at the first objection again:
“…I can’t do it. I look and sound stupid
on camera. I don’t want to humiliate myself
in front of the whole world. I don’t want people
to laugh at me!”
It’s not that you’re afraid of others pointing
fingers, snickering, criticizing. It’s that you’ve
been taught to criticize yourself. In order to
avoid that, you stop yourself from ever doing
anything ‘out there’, different, potentially
controversial. ‘I wouldn’t want to embarrass
my family,” is a good way to justify lack
of action; I’ve used that one myself.
If you’re over 40, you remember the bigmouth
in the class that got sent to the principal’s
office. If you’re younger, you may have noticed
that the class bigmouth was suddenly quiet one
quiet one day and no longer disruptive (Ritalin).
We tell ourselves we look and sound stupid;
the REAL reason is, we don’t want to risk
failure (and we’re mostly raised not to try!
One study discovered that boys and men are
encouraged to take risks while females are
discouraged!). Nice girls don’t ‘put themselves
on display’; that’s from our grandmas
2. “Cook and Clean!”
The number one thing our parents want /
wanted for us was to ‘get a good man’. The
number one fairy tale during our childhoods
depicted a sleeping beauty rescued by a Prince
after years and years of ‘captivity’.
The story gave him all the power to save
her from the evil, spell-casting queen and
cast her as a passive, disempowered
victim. Remember how many times your Mom
read you that story? How many times
you played dress up and waited for your
handsome prince or knight on a steed?
I have been disappointed over and over
in my grown-up life that no man ever
lived up to that fable…
To help ensure that we ‘get a good man’,
we’re strongly encouraged to excel in
homemaking arts: cooking, cleaning, sewing.
(Yes, I know that the newer generations
aren’t affected as heavily, yet all these are
prevalent in our collective, societal psyche.)
We weren’t encouraged to succeed in math,
engineering, etc. Thus, the thought of
recording your image and your sound can be
3. “Who Do You Think You Are?” / “Who ME?!”
“What makes YOU an expert?!” I’m willing to
bet that while you heard this as a child from
a parent, teacher or relative, that you’ve said
it to yourself a gazillion times more. “Who am
I? What do I know?”
We’re taught to be quiet, focus on running the
house and be attractive so we’ll “find a good,
strong man to protect and provide for us”, so,
the LAST THING most of us could imagine
ourselves to be is a LEADER!
When we see other women, Condoleeza,
Hillary, famous singers / actresses, etc.,
they’re somehow in another league, special,
the chosen few, etc. We can’t possibly fathom
ourselves as being one of that group.
Yet, if you’re READING THESE WORDS,
you’re IN THAT GROUP! How do I know?
Something about the title, something in your
heart or gut, made you curious, made you want
to read this article. If you didn’t have the
leadership spark, you wouldn’t have been
compelled to click on it. That’s how I know.
What can you do to reverse the above?
1. Notice your underlying self-talk. When you
feel shame, blame, guilt, etc., go into it. Your
feelings are trying to tell you something. Put
yourself in a private place, turn the phone off.
Listen to the undercurrent; it’s kinda like the
thing that runs across the bottom of the TV
on CNN. In order to focus on what the news
person is saying, we have to ignore the
words travelling underneath. In order to focus
on our day-to-day activities – work, family –
we have to block out the words travelling
underneath. “I’m no one. No one wants to
hear anything I have to say.” Just notice
and listen to the words.
When you’re ready to go deeper: feel.
Get quiet and go into the feeling.
Two weeks ago, I went from great to despondent
in a matter of hours (very rare for me). On my way
‘down’, I remembered that it was another one
of ‘those’ times – the times when I go into
the tunnel and come out the other side;
having that thought before I plunged gave
me more courage to completely immerse
myself in it… I changed environments (went
on a short drive) to break up the energy /
give myself a different visual — please notice
I did NOT say, to change my feelings!!
Soon after I got behind the wheel, I saw:
Fourteen MOUNTAIN RANGES of shame that ran
my life; that controlled most everything
I said and did; that held me back from being
my whole self, from expressing all that is
2. Note to self. Now and then, you think,
“Oh, I want to tell women about [money,
relationships, real estate, fitness].” If you’re
like a trillion other women, including me,
you start to explore that thought then are
immediately shut down by, “But I can’t.
Too stupid, expensive, impossible, out of
my comfort zone, don’t have permission
to do something like that.” The next time
you have an, “Oh, I want to tell…”, right
before the shut-down voices begin, do
a quick note to self: “I WANT TO TELL!
If I ever figure out how, I want to tell my
women how to [whatever],” then forget
about it and smile at the voices that
starting piping up, as if they are tiny
children (and they are!) that can’t help
it. Feel compassion for them; they were
born out of the need for self-preservation
and were there to try to protect you from
3. Look for other women that have overcome
what has until now stopped you. To yourself
say, “If SHE can do it, after what she’s
been through and with no budget, maybe
I CAN TOO!” (The nay-saying voices will
pipe up. Just smile. “Awww, sugars,
I hear you.”)
4. Surrender. You have the thoughts you
have (“I want to tell… If only they knew
what I know… I want to teach about…”) for a
REASON! Admit this to yourself. God /
the Universe didn’t them in your brain
by accident nor as a cosmic joke. 😉
If you do the above – be gentle and
patient with yourself – you will notice
subtle (and sometimes big!) changes
in your life. When you’re ready to move
closer toward your online video debut,
watch: 3 Keys To Being On Camera
…For more confidence, happiness, time,
energy: check out the free videos I have
for you on YouTube. Click here or type
LadyBossLifeCoach in the YouTube
browser. Watch me be a so-bad-it’s-cute rapper!
Watch me dress up as different me! Just watch!
Love you sugar! LadyBossLifeCoach Hil